Birthdays have a way of helping us to reflect on life in a clear way.

I recently turned 45. Somehow 45 feels a heck of a lot more established and legit than 44 did. While 44 felt playful, 45 feels more serious. After all, there’s a good chance that I’m about halfway through my lifespan.

I’d like to share three lessons I’ve learned in the last years that guide this 45 year old on life.

Pack your suitcase at least 48 hours in advance

I used to pack right before a trip. Then I started to realize that last-minute packing caused me anxiety. Did I forget something? What if I didn’t think through my outfits well enough? I found myself often over-packing, and then I’d arrive on vacation with a stuffed-to-the-brim suitcase and nothing I was really excited to wear.

As I relayed an anxious packing story to a friend a year ago, she smartly said, “Why don’t you pack a few days ahead of time? I pack about a week in advance, and it helps me to feel like I’m already starting on my trip.” So I took her advice and started packing at least 48 hours in advance. Sometimes I’ll pack a week in advance if it’s a busy time.

And you know what happened?

My anxiety about travel decreased a bit. And I discovered that I could review the items I packed in my head while taking a walk or during the in-between moments of the day and make minor adjustments before go time.

Is this tip all about packing my suitcase? Of course not. It’s a metaphor for how to live a life less stressed. Plan ahead. Leave earlier for work than you think you should. Don’t make decisions under duress unless you have to. If your deadline is in two weeks, finish the project a week ahead of time so that you give yourself a beat to mull it over. Planning ahead changes everything.

Choose alcohol or sleep

I figured out around the age of 40 that alcohol no longer felt the same in my system. My recovery was much slower in the morning after a few drinks the night before. And then slowly I noticed that any alcohol intake affected how I felt afterward in a negative way.

Now at 45 with perimenopause in full swing, my sleep is affected by minor differences in the way I take care of myself. Most notable of all is alcohol intake. If I have a drink after 7pm I am literally making the choice between the tastiness of the drink and the quality of my sleep. (Thankfully I can get away with a drink if I have it on the earlier side.)

Do I want to be a teetotaler? No.

Do I want to sleep well? Yes.

So I make a choice.

And sometimes I’m willing to put up with a night of unrestful sleep because I want that drink. But most times I just smile and ask for a seltzer with a splash of cranberry and a big squeeze of lime.

Do hard things

I’ve been thinking a lot about grit and grace. Sometimes we need to give ourselves grace. No one is perfect. We are allowed to make mistakes. We can apologize when we’ve made a misstep. We can cut ourselves some slack when everything doesn’t line up like we want it to.

But I also think we need to embrace grit.

We need to do hard things.

It doesn’t do me much good to head into the gym and phone-in the workout. If I’m heading to the gym it’s because I’ve set aside that time to do something that’s physically challenging so that my muscles know to grow and develop. And we all know how precious an hour of our lives are (and, let’s be honest, it’s more like 2 hours when you factor in travel and a shower).

Lift heavy stuff. See how far you can go. Push the limits. And then be proud of yourself! The pride I feel when I see my biceps in the mirror picking up something heavy is some of my best body positivity. Don’t skimp on giving yourself a chance to feel glory.

I’m curious to hear what you’ve realized you’ve learned on your birthday. Share it with me!

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